blog entries
06/16/25
i want to start this off by saying that fearmongering is NOT cool. i've been paranoid as FUCK lately because of the whole iran thing, and everyone all over social media just getting everyone more freaked out. i heard a plane today and became the closest i've ever been to having a panic attack. but ITS OKAY because i LITERALLY DONT CARE. i know what i need to do IF anything happens, and its a huge if. i just need to chil the fuck out! but i've still been shaking all day. i think i need to sleep more and eat better, i rarely go to bed before 3am and i dont get up until noon at least. the good news is i start my new job wednesday!!! so i'l FINALLY have more than 80 dollars in my bank account. i mean, thats a lot of money. that can buy a lot of monster. (this is how i measure funds, with how much monster it can buy. my favorite flavor is ultra zero) but like.. i need at least 800 dollars to afford a computer, not to mention the fact that I also like not having to mooch off my friends every time they want to go somewhere. so, it should be fun. i think my job is mainly just making sandwiches and cleaning, so hopefully talking to customers can be minimized. but still the idea of having to meet new people has me in a cold sweat already. it's cool! i'm sure ill get over it. and if I don't and i have a panic attack on my first day, I can just hide away forever I guess. anyways HAVE A GOOD FUCKING DAY
—Myk3l
update 06/13/25
its me again. so i havent actually started my job yet but i think i start next tuesday? they werent really clear. i wish i was working somewhere else because being honest the idea of having to talk to people makes me want to vomit right now. its also around 2am right now, so i dont know if id trust anything i say. today i went to a birthday party. i ate an entire jar of pickles in 3 days. life's been okay, besides the constant political rage i feel. and the crippling dysphoria, but i know it will pass. itll be okay once i get on testosterone and finally get top surgery. im looking at surgeons already, even though i have 2 years and a hell of a wait after that to look forward to. that is if i can still get my surgeries haha! i know my life wont instantly be fixed after testosterone,but i like to tell myself that so i can actually make it to getting it. anyways.
this saturday im going to a no kings protest in my area. should be okay, i guess. im getting really sick of America's political leaders having an orgy up in the white house while ICE raids homes of anyone that isnt white. i hate this country, i hate my house, i dont know. we can just hope, i guess. things will get better. people are really perseverent when it comes down to it. signing off,
—Myk3l
update 06/06/25
hello all! i passed my math class barely, and i somehow managed to make it to the end of the school year. i would say its been fun but this year has been actual hell, so i wont say that. im sitting in my final class of the day waiting to get out. this summer ill be working at jimmy johns, i start next wednesday. since its summer, i do have to give up my chromebook though, and since i don't actually have a computer yet, the blog will be updated less and less. it was inevitable. i'll update from my phone though! this summer will be fun, i keep telling myself that so it comes true. more time to hang out, just work and practice, no school. i hope to get better at viola this summer. the only downside is theres a 2 week period in which im being sent to church camp. it isn't fun! it sucks actually, because im gay and trans and literally everyone there knows it. they're orthodox, so you know. but its only two weeks and after that i'll never have to go again. plus, i have a friend there who ive missed. so it should be okay! and then this summer our family is going on a vacation together as well, to the upper peninsula of michigan. it should be pretty fun.
my entry comes to an end. having a neocities this year has actually helped a lot through everything going on, so i thank you all for that. i'll update when i can. have a wonderful summer,
—Myk3l
short blog entry, im failing my math class and if i dont get at least a d in less than 2 days i will have to retake it. math is hell, fuck it. ill leave to go study. have a good week and manifest that i pass this class,
—Myk3l
p.s. deleted most of my old blog posts. what right do you have to see what i was like?
may 21
ive been really tired. later today im going out to get froyo with my partner, so it should be fun. a good chunk of my friends (2) have graduated already, meaning i wont see them at school anymore. i dont really mind, things have just been really quiet. im finally starting to work on my comic though, so thats a plus. technically its an assignment, but i'll start posting it here after its graded. i also might write something for this writing competition my library does during the summer. then this summer i have to practice, work, and do art. it should be pretty chill. im not obligated to do anything ever! they cant make me! anyways, i hope you all have a good day,
—Myk3l
i had a concert last night. i might share a link to a google drive of an mp3, but probably not, because im lazy. it went pretty bad, but i'm honestly too tired to care. not even like 5 seconds into our conductors welcome speech, i realized that i have an alarm that goes off at 7 to remind me to take meds. its LOUD, and the little robot voice says "take your damn drugs boy". the alarm sound itself is "heat of the moment." like the one in supernatural. (rise and shine sammy.) so I was panicking all the way through our first piece, and when we got to switch for the second one, i just like pulled my phone out as discreetly as possible and turned it all the way off. then we played the second piece, which went not great. the third was okay, but i wish i'd have done the first and second pieces better. i was really too nervous to play anything correctly. but whatever. i dont have much else to say, theres not been a lot going on.
im going to go to the asian (they kind of sell stuff from all over the continent?? theres another store thats just stuff from laos but i like the
all-encompassing one more) grocery store to get materials for an upcoming food project im doing with some friends. i'm also going to get one of those large mogu mogu bottles. i LOVE mogu mogu, if you havent had it you need to try it. its this thai drink that has this sort of chewy jelly in it? it's not like tapioca or anything, its nata de coco. i like the lychee kind, personally. but theyre REALLY good. after that i'll go home and make something for our end-of-year celebration thing in my art class. it should be pretty fun! ive been feeling a little sick lately but i'll pull through to the end of this week before i take any time off, no matter how nice it is outside. peace out and have a good day,
—myk3l
its so hot
i got a 81 on that math quiz. on another note, im so glad thats its finally sunny out, but IT IS SO HOT. im a white dude, so i burn super easy. i need to remember sunscreen before i leave now because i will absolutely shrirvel up like a raisin and get skin cancer. i also totally prefer the cold, so whenever it gets hot i feel nauesous. im in the library writing this and holy crap i dont even think the ac runs through here. its so hot. but anyways. peace out and i might update later but have a good day,
—myk3l
my birthday was saturday! i didn't update because ngl, i forgot. but it was pretty fun. i went to this cat cafe and met this blind cat, whos name was ray. he liked me, i think. then I got thai for dinner, as i said i would. i got pad thai because im a basic bitch. i also finished the cake i worked on last night, it was blue and i added strawberries. i got this really cool book of lotr (it has pictures) and an aqua teen hunger force shirt. it was pretty fun. then yesterday for mothers day i went to church with my mother, something i really hate doing but its whatever. i was fine. my dad actually went too, and he also doesnt normally go to church. anyways. i just took a math quiz, and i might have failed, but its okay. ill retake my tests and stop failing the class at least, hopefully ill get a c. i dont have much else to say. peace out and have a good day,
—Myk3l
its my birthday tomorrow. its weird, because it still feels like february to me. but the sun being out has helped a lot with everything. today im going to go home, make myself a cake and dinner, and maybe try drawing. my art hasnt been good recently. my creative juice is running dry. itll probably be fine. yesterday kind of messed me up, i tried this new medication and was out of it dissociating and sleeping for the rest of the day. im not taking it again. today i'm still tired but its been better. the days been pretty long. tomorrow i'll hopefully update, but im probably just going to sleep and hang out with my family. i might go to a cat cafe about an hour away from me. ill get thai for dinner because ive been wanting pad thai all week. it should be fun, hopefully i'll enjoy it. peace out and have a good day,
—Myk3l
institutionalized (suicidal tendencies)
I was in my room
And I was just, like, staring at the walls, thinking about everything
But then again I was thinking about nothing
And then my mom came in, and I didn't notice she was there
She called my name and I didn't hear her
And then she started screaming, "Mike, Mike!"
And I go, "What, what's the matter?"
She goes, "What's the matter with you?"
I go, "There's nothing wrong, mom"
She goes, "Don't tell me that! You're on drugs"
I go, "No mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm OK, I'm just thinking, you know
Why don't you get me a Pepsi?"
She goes, "No, you're on drugs!"
I go, "Mom, I'm OK, I'm just thinking
She goes, "No, you're not thinking, you're on drugs!
Normal people don't act that way"
I go, "Mom, just get me a Pepsi, please
All I want is a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me!
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi
And she wouldn't give it to me, just a Pepsi"
went 2 the mall saturday, stayed up till 2 last night to study 4 my psych exam. its in like 2 hours-ish? the packets mostly filled out and i did the extra credit so lets hope it payed off. but after it i'll prolly just sleep. i was awoken rudely at 6.30 by my roommate crying that they couldn't find their glasses. they were on their bed. but anyways. might update later, might not. ive been working on some more branches of the site. for fun, yknow? check it out if you want. or dont. i dont care. peace out,
update:
saw that bitch who hit my friend's car again. while walking between buildings. was really close to punching him. didn't though, good for me. on another note, i made master shake from aqua teen hunger force into a needle felting project. he's literally so silly. unfortunately i did stab through my finger while doing it. not like through my bone, through the side way if that makes any sense. it was only a few centimeters deep, and it didn't hurt that bad, ive had worse haha. i am however on needle probation and i am being forced to use the finger guards because i bled on my teacher's stuff. but whatever. it was pretty funny. anyways, i'll actually end the entry here, gonna go home and take a nap. peace out (again,)
—Myk3l
UGH
some total CUNT hit my friends car, i already didn't like the guy who did it and then he was being a little bitchboy about it. i've been pissed lately, but it's alright. i can't let it get to me. i need to focus on the good stuff, like the fact that i can go on walks again because it's nice out. it's fine. it wasn't even my car that got hit, i've just been looking for a reason to be angry. but it's alright. anyways, i'm finishing some stuff up in ceramics, making some gifts for friends. hopefully they turn out okay, fingers crossed. peace out,
—Myk3l
damn
happy late april 20th. due to the holidays i had really awful dissociation and brain fog last night because i don't know my limits, haha. this is a joke for legal reasons. but after i got over it i watched aqua teen hunger force happily and drank gatorade for like 3 hours until i went to bed. i was alright this morning and went to school, only to realize i actually had things to do yesterday! i'm suspiciously absent from class to do said assignments. there's a group project i had to quick finish, but now i'm just working on IB stuff. peace out and i'll update later!
I've been reading TMNT's IDW comics recently. Yesterday I went home after hanging out w/ my friend (we went to IHOP) and basically showered and crashed. Tonight I have nothing to do, so I'm hoping to finish my painting and maybe start a new project. I'm almost finished with my bowl in ceramics, I just need to smooth down the bottom today. It should probably be fired by after spring break, and then I can glaze and fire it again. I'll probably post photos of my pieces on the art page, which I'm working on making a link for. Stay tuned for that, I guess
i have nothing insightful to say but i'll be damned if i don't throw up
today i woke up at the ass-crack of dawn. that doesn't mean i was on time to school, all that means is that i was even more miserable. i'm half-dead and feel like a zombie, and my stomach hurts. i have like 3 projects to do tonight, and they're all due tonight. so i either just fail or i just power through. i've been good about making myself come to school at least, i guess. have a better day than me,
—Myk3l
march has arrived (3/3/25)
I hung out with some friends over the weekend. It was a lot of fun, I enjoyed it. I'm hanging out with my friend later today. I'm bringing my guitar to her house, so we're probably just gonna jam out and chill. Also, new home page lol. It took like 4 hours cuz I'm awful at coding. Have a good day,
—Myk3l
february is fleeting
I hate march. March is the weird transition month between winter and spring. It's the month of mud. But it's also the month of rain, and the month where the sun finally starts showing her face again. In times like these, we need to look for the positive in whatever we can. Short entry, but I thought I should do something. Have a good day,
—Myk3l
Nyquil be damned, I'm talking to Leo
Yesterday I took 2 tablespoons of NyQuil and slept til 3 in the afternoon. I'm not sick anymore, though, so that's a plus. I think I had something insightful to say, but I don't remember it. I didn't have any important dreams in my drug-induced slumber, I dreamt about ninja turtles and ceramics. It's always a good dream when there's ninja turtles. It was almost a lucid dream, I was in this liminal space pools type area and I realized it was a dream, but I didn't care enough to try and take control of the dream, I liked how it was going. Also Ben Schwartz was there?? I don't know man. Have a good day,
—Myk3l
I yearn for the soft kiss of the sun upon my face as I lie on the hot sand near the lake. I want to sit on the grass near the park, doing nothing but listening. I want to be warm, instead of riddled with constant chills sent like shocks of burning electricity down my spine. It is during times like these that I go outside the least. The ice is a cage and I am its prisoner. Every day is a new level of tiredness, waking up at a new bleak hour before the sun wakes up—only to stay behind the clouds, taunting me. The gray of Monday consumes me, and I can only pray that Tuesday will bring a sense of warmth.
—Myk3l
what
I saw leaves fallen like soldiers to the ground
On my walk home from work
I am twenty-one and I have never been older
And the leaves look like lizards
Crushed on the pavement beneath my feet
And it's me who killed them, I killed them
Because I am bigger, I am fatter
I am more than them
justice and equality
it doesn't look that way to you, it doesn't look that way to me
sickest joke i know
listen up man, i'll tell you who i am
just another stupid american!
you don't wanna listen, you don't wanna understand
so finish up your drink and go home
ough
my stomach is collapsing upon itself for no reason (tummy hurts). i shant be on this earth for long. farewell,
—Myk3l
daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more
This is out of our reach
This is out of our reach
This is out of our reach and it's grown
This is getting to be
This is getting to be
This is getting to be drone
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep and I'm stoned
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep and I'm
I'm
Daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more (6x)
This is out of our range
This is out of our range
This is out of our range and it's crude
This is getting to be
This is getting to be
This is getting to be like drone
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep and I'm stoned!
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep
I'm a negative creep and I'm!
Aah!
Daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more (6x)
Yeah!
Drone
Stoned
Daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more (14x)
